Expressive Writing.

“The half draw curtain moved!” He said. Just as that sentence finished my mind began racing. What was he talking about? Nobody lives there. Nobody…. Would if they did? They’re going to leave us out here? She’ll find- NO! Yes, she will. She’s smart, and that house is dead. No, there’s people! They’re just…just..just scared. Do they think we are dangerous?  Could they smell the horrible sewage stench? Your onion perfume from your lack of showering? My awful tang of sweat and blood? The mascara smeared all over my face, no longer flattering my eyes. Could this add to their uncertainty? The mixture of mascara, eyeliner, and eye shadow now consumed my already horrible face. Glossy black splotches. Fudge! My cloths. I wouldn’t open the door for us either, lie, l would. Maybe. Maybe. Yes. Aww, man, my favorite shirt! A bright yellow now turned a dingy green. Great. Now I have a V-Neck too, how cliché. You can easily see the scars now. Thomas was worse. He looks disgusting. Blood everywhere. Man, I owe him my life. I wish they would let us in. Gosh! Just let him in, please. What’s the use? Don’t say that. Why? Where’s Thomas?

He’s still bleeding? So I fallow the blood, ok, where is this going? Eww, smoke. Tata? Stupid thought. It’s Thomas?  The building is in horrible condition. The walls burnt like my mums fries.  Where’s Thomas? “Thomas!” Why won’t he answer. The blood, Savannah, fallow the blood!

“Thom-“ What the hey? How did she get her? Who cares, more importantly why is she here? I miss my mum. What are they doing? Let him go! No, he didn’t do anything! It’s my fault! Dude, say it out loud. I can’t.

My mind isn’t connecting with my body. Every thing’s all wrong! If I didn’t go out, say those things, do those things we wouldn’t be here. Thomas would be in English, learning as he should be. No, he’s here. I’m so stupid sometime. I swear. “You gave my life direction, a game show love connect-“  SHUT UP, SAVANNAH! This isn’t a singing time. Ok that’s too long. I have to help! I have to!

Oh my god. What did I do?

“Savannah, why did you do that?” His question’s on repeat. So is my answer. “She hurt us.” She hurt us. She hurt him. She hurt me. SHE HURT US! I don’t regret it. C’mon, you know you do. No, no, I don’t. I wish she didn’t hurt us. She took my childhood! You let her. Why did you leave? Then expect nothing to happen when you called Thomas? Really? Really. I didn’t expect this. Him to come. He hates me. Hates you? You know that’s not true. I know.

                The smoke from the building is starting to become nothing. The smoke doesn’t choke my lungs anymore. Thomas does. “We should go.” The only words left to be said. But neither of us say it. You know this isn’t your fault, right? But it is! It really is. I should have stayed where I was. It was best for all of us. I wish this didn’t happen. I wish I could just disappear. Then do it. You’ve been gone this whole time. Go. You can’t go with her though, she’s no longer capable of anything, thanks to you. Fine. I’ll start out there on my own. My own boss.

Fine! The blue bag! Grab the bag. There’s money, cloths. Just to get us started, right? Sure. You can say that. The heavy breathing stopped. Thomas? Did he leave? He’s done, Savannah. Done. No. He can come too. Why won’t he move? Why won’t he look at me? Thomas? Wipe your eyes! It’s done!  

He hates you. Start over.